Man Genuinely Likes Gluten-Free Muffins

No, seriously, Quincy Applebottom likes the taste of gluten-free muffins. In fact, he prefers it. “It’s the way people look at me like I’m better than them,” he insists, “it tastes good in my soul.” He offers us his homemade fare, which is reminiscent of pumice.

Even more incredibly, Mr Applebottom’s children also enjoy their gluten-free diet. Raised on a program designed to prevent adult-onset aging, Nectarine (7) and Joseph (5) have never seen gluten. “The food channel is banned in our household,” Applebottom admits when we ask if the kids have ever seen real bread.

Moreover, he insists, “gluten-free bread is real bread. You think our ancestors ate gluten? Or sugar? Or lettuce? Absolutely not.” The Applebottoms have been working with Nutritionist Leon Strauss for eight years, honing a diet based on what the Celtic Druids ate.

“They had magical powers, so we know their energy levels were very excellent,” Strauss says, “and they ate mostly weeds and Scotsmen.” On a similar diet, the Applebottoms have plenty of energy, and little Nectarine has begun to have visions.

We wish the Applebottoms luck with their lifestyle and the inquest.

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